


i want it to be true.

by nothingpersonal



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2583581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingpersonal/pseuds/nothingpersonal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“you’re beautiful,” cat says in the honey-sweet, lemon-sour warmth of the summer and feels the heat of the ground and the sky and the sun through her body, and “kiss me” meghan whispers and who is cat to say no?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want it to be true.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what these are but i guess they’re lil imagines or au’s (literally cisboy!cat is somewhere in here tbh.) they’re all really fluffy and there’s maybe one or two that’s kind of angsty.

**#01 motion**

the bus blurs along the countryside, soft edges from speed, quickly quickly quickly away from atlanta, and cat can feel the distance growing every mile; cat rubs her eyes as she looks for an empty seat and sees long brown hair with blonde streaks, eyes open like the sea, and thinks, _okay_.

**#02 cool**

some days, she wishes she could have it come to her the way joey graceffa does, wishes she could hold everyone enraptured, just not care like dan howell, wishes she wasn’t the kind of person who drops her books all over the corridor on the first day of school, but next thing she knows there’s a girl in a hoodie and maroon pants bending down next to her, and she reaches out and pinches cat's cheek and smiles wider than the world, like she maybe possibly actually means it.

**#03 young**

last day of summer, and they lie under the sun with lights coming out of tiny speakers and feel warmth to their bones; their eyes catching in the light and hands just brushing and it’s a little bit like perfect.

**#04 last**

she’s on the second-to-last page of mockingjay with meghan’s chin hooked over her shoulder, her breath warm on her cheek and she can feel her through her whole being, in her muscles and ligaments and bone marrow; ‘we’ve been together for 1095.73 days, according to google’ said her card this morning, and "many happy returns," meghan told her over her breakfast-not-so-in-bed.

**#05 wrong**

"does it make it better if she’s technically younger than me?" meghan whispers as cat valdes continues at the front of the lecture hall about the importance of metaphysical poets; "pretty sure that makes it worse, sis," is the only reply she gets from david.

**#06 gentle**

"i don’t love you," says meghan, since she never was one to beat around the bush, never one to mollycoddle, and she thinks maybe she sees cat's coffee eyes widen a bit before her hand runs up cat's thigh again, "just to be clear."

**#07 sparks**

so cat kind of wants to fall down a tunnel to the center of the earth when meghan finds her watching a video of her singing on youtube, and kind of wants to roll down a hill of cacti when meghan starts laughing after a few shocked seconds of silence, and kind of wants to just curl up in a cabinet and never leave when meghan says "oh, cat," in a sort of fond tone; she kind of really doesn’t want to die when meghan starts singing taylor swift to her with this little smirk on her face like _i know_.

**#08 thousand**

meghan is the worst, cat swears, she is the absolute worst, and there is chocolate icing on her nose and all over the kitchen counter and she can’t move without crushing hundreds and thousands under her feet and the smell of burning fills the whole kitchen and cat wants to die from the mess; meghan smiles bright and so, so beautiful and for her and cat still wants to die but it’s from happiness this time.

**#09 queen**

it’s ridiculous, it’s so completely ridiculous and stupid and utterly not cat, because for god’s sake cat is just some serving girl, and meghan is the princess, she’ll be ruling the land someday – and she’s a spoiled little brat too – but she’s the prettiest person cat's ever met and fuck if she isn’t a little bit in love.

**#10 learn**

everything is blurred and too fast and cat is way way past tipsy (and it always goes like this, like the flash of meghan’s stupid ripped jeans and her stupid blue-green eyes and her stupid pink mouth pressing kisses against her stomach) and she’ll just never fucking learn, will she?

**#11 blur**

they meet at some festival concert in 2009 and meghan is flushed and sweaty and can feel the crush of what seems like the entire population of the world around her but somehow her focus ends up on the girl next to her, a little taller than she is and her eyes are closed like she’s in a trance, her t-shirt clings to her and in the swell of light and colors she’s just what meghan needs.

**#12 wait**

it’s her longest dry spell yet, and really, meghan just doesn’t do this, she doesn’t wait, but cat walked in and she was all smiles and shyness and it’s like meghan’s going to have to fucking _seduce_ her or something.

**#13 change**

cat sees the girl with the collection bucket outside everyday as she heads into work, and gives twenty dollars to save the children and feels awful but she’s barely making ends meet as it is on her minimum wage target salary; nevertheless, the girl flashes her a smile, hands her a post-it and “call me maybe” plays as cat enters the supermarket and she has to shake her head at the world a bit.

**#14 command**

“you’re beautiful,” cat says in the honey-sweet, lemon-sour warmth of the summer and feels the heat of the ground and the sky and the sun through her body, and “kiss me” meghan whispers and who is cat to say no?

**#15 kiss**

meghan sings ed sheeran’s ‘kiss me’ in front of eight thousand people and stares at cat the whole time and it’s almost a declaration and cat almost can’t breathe and –

**#16 need**

meghan is a vacuum, cat decides, in the way she sucks all the air out of the room when she walks in and takes it with her when she goes, leaves cat gasping for breath and dizzy in her wake; in the way something small but horrible twists in cat's gut when meghan isn't there.

**#17 vision**

people often ask cat if she feels as though she's missing a part of herself, but she thinks it's impossible to miss something she's never had; the truth is, the only times she's ever wished she could see are when the only sound filling the room is meghan's laugh, brilliant in the darkness.

**#18 attention**

"and then the dragon said –" meghan’s voice floats through to where cat is in the next room, cleaning up, and she can imagine the kids’ completely attentive faces, under meghan’s spell; she thinks it's probably a little embarrassing that meghan holds her just as enraptured as the class of five-year-olds.

**#19 soul**

in all honesty, cat is completely and utterly terrified that she will turn out like the horror stories she's heard at school, that she'll never find the ‘meghan’ inscribed intricately on her palm; she almost faints when she walks into her new dorm room to this (beautiful) girl who springs off the bed and introduces herself as "camarena... meghan camarena."

**#20 picture**

it really doesn't mean anything, cat tells herself, that she has a box of photographs of her and meghan together, of ticket stubs and receipts; she's just saving memories of a brilliant friendship, nothing more.

**#21 fool**

the new court jester arrives on a rainy tuesday when cat's already been run off her feet fetching things for the ladies in waiting, but when they're introduced he meets the familiar grin, blue-green eyes, of meghan camarena, meghan from the village; it's almost something like home.

**#22 mad**

"you are actually certifiably insane," joey tells her, and "are you fucking crazy?" david says over his raised eyebrows, but meghan was never one to listen to the critics; this is why cat finds herself being serenaded with ‘just the way you are’ in the park, by meghan’s class of six-year-olds no less.

**#23 hero**

when cat was younger, she had given up hope that heroes still existed, until meghan came up to the boys with a bat of her own and told them she’d break their faces in half if they came anywhere near cat again.

**#24 now**

cat gets put in the box of 'the sensible one,' is painted as responsible one, which, alright, isn't unfounded, but she remains a little resentful of the idea that she doesn't know how to live in the moment; like this one, in the center of whatever club, in whichever city, shrouded in the haze of drink and the heat of the bassline, and the light slanting on meghan, catching her eyes and she's perfect, she's glorious, and if only they could see cat now.

**#25 shadow**

meghan has never dated anyone who wasn't an artist of some sort, who hasn't immediately understood her devotion to her work, to her shading and colors or lack of colors and light, who wasn't the type to get drunk on the roof on a wednesday night, and meghan has never met anyone as – as consuming, as insane, as mysterious as cat; they really, really shouldn't work as well as they do.

**#26 goodbye**

"you're – you're coming back, right?" meghan says, and hates how feeble she sounds even to her own ears, but cat gives her this grin like _i love you_ , like _you're so stupid_ , like _of course_.

**#27 hide**

it all really starts with this one game of hide-and-seek in the rubble of last night's raid, with their gas masks in their boxes banging their knees, and meghan chucks a tiny piece of shrapnel at cat and tells her she has pretty eyes.

**#28 fortune**

she's twenty-five and literally worth millions, and sometimes it's more scary than awesome, sometimes it's awful and she feels shut in by the magazine articles, by the insults on twitter, by the cameras and the flashing lights, and on these days meghan knows, meghan understands, meghan makes her tea and a hot water bottle and hugs her like she'll never let go.

**#29 safe**

meghan knows, she does, she understands that it's cat's job and that she made the choice to put her life in danger on a daily basis, that she chose to do it to help other people, but she can't really help it if she'd much rather cling to cat and not let her leave every time she comes home.

**#30 ghost**

okay, so her friends will mock her endlessly over the awful new supernatural thriller film she's agreed to do, but she really does need the money, and that leaves no room for complaining; first day on set and she's introduced to her co-star and – well, who said ghost movies were so bad anyway?

**#31 book**

she never really planned, as such, to be a novelist, it just sort of – happened, mostly due to the fact that english was the only subject she wasn't failing horribly at; now it's her life and somehow, crazily, it worked and there are book tours and interviews and her editor nagging her for manuscripts – it's when she looks up to ask for a name at a signing, and there's short brown hair and gorgeous eyes and "i'm cat" that she's really grateful for the success.

**#32 eye**

meghan's eyes are so blue, are the ocean, the sky, are everything, really; the way they crinkle when she smiles, the redness around them when she cries, the flutter of her eyelashes when they kiss.

**#33 never**

“i promise,” cat had said and kissed meghan like it was nothing; met a boy and dropped meghan’s hand like it was nothing; kept saying “i’m sorry” like it was going to make anything better, stayed silent when meghan said “it wasn’t going to last anyway,” and that was that.

**#34 sing**

meghan knows her voice isn't the best of the group, knows that really, they could take her out of the album and no one would notice the difference; there's still a bit of her, though, that's desperate, desperate, for the proud little smiles cat sends her after her solos on tour, enough that she can forget the rest of the world and concentrate on getting cat to look at her like –

**#35 heart**

cat's a happy drunk who can’t quite handle her liquor yet and meghan turns dangerously red with only a sip, and by midnight, they were a mess of tangled limbs on the sofa, cat cradling meghan under her arm, and when cat laughed, meghan pressed her ears further into her chest because she liked the sound, and she felt like the happiest person on earth when she heard cat say, “i love you, meg.”

**#36 stop**

she's not even – she's past the point of even trying to pretend it's not because of him, that she's stronger than that, because what a lie – it's not better, per se, but it's the truth, that she's killing herself like this, twisting a knife, in search of an end, despite – or maybe also because of – cat cooking her breakfast and shooting her sympathetic looks and kissing her in the dark like she could fix her.

**#37 red**

the first time cat kissed meghan was during phil lester's seventeenth birthday, where they went to a small party at his place filled with boys and girls too attractive to still be teens and enough alcohol to fill a swimming pool, and at first, she couldn’t believe what happened, blood pumping through her veins at a hundred miles per hour and her heart feeling like it was about to burst out of her ribcage, and when cat saw the look on her face, she let out a big, hearty laugh and punched her across the shoulder, telling her, as she took another sip from her red plastic cup, that “i just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a girl, okay?”

**#38 wash**

a day after meghan's eyes still hurt from the crying and a week after cat's smell isn't even on her pillow anymore and a month after the receipt from the dinner was still in her jeans when they went in the machine and she sits on the floor covered in the stupid crushed little white pieces and she is destroyed.

**#39 silly**

no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it was only a phase and she’d grow out of it, that liking cat was nothing more than a stupid, silly crush and that she’d only get hurt in the end, she would still find herself looking at their pictures together and wondering if her lips were really as soft as they looked.

**#40 history**

practically everyone she knows makes fun of her choice of degree but really, it's not like david who's just about scraping through his art classes or joey who took music so he didn't have to work have much ground to stand on; the only person whose mocking actually hurts is david's crazy drama sister meghan – that is, until it turns out it was pigtail pulling and meghan's smiles turn shy and her eyes are suddenly bluer than cat noticed and her mouth tastes like cinnamon.

**#41 power**

so it's maybe really hot that cat's so much taller than her, and maybe really hot when she gets bossy, and, okay, a bit embarrassing when cat finds out how much it turns her on, but it ultimately works out very well for meghan, so there's that.

**#42 bother**

it's the fifth of august and they're at home and winnie the pooh is saying 'oh, bother' on the tv screen and the twins are enthralled but her eyes are on meghan; it's the sixth of december and they're in new york and they watch the sun rise over manhattan and the girls are enthralled but her eyes are on meghan; it's the seventh of april and they're in singapore, of all places, in the pouring rain and now it's meghan's eyes on her and she can't look away until they're kissing like some stupid rom-com.

**#43 god**

they're sat next to their mothers in the pews, legs dangling over the edges of the benches, and father andrews is giving another one of his long, droning sermons; meghan catches her eye though and gives her this little secret smile and cat's happy.

**#44 wall**

she punches a wall – which turns out to be a lot more painful than movies let on – and her knuckles are bleeding and it's all because of some stupid teenage girls on the internet, god, but sometimes they're just too much, too many insults thrown at her door; meghan walks in and sees the blood everywhere and, predictably, flies into a panic, but then she bandages cat's hand and makes her tea and generally turns out to be a better nurse than cat would have thought.

**#45 naked**

when joey walks in he's got avril lavigne on very loud and joey's eyebrows aren't even on his face anymore, they're so high, and he asks meghan if she ever stopped being an over-emotional teenager – but really, this whole cat situation definitely merits the playing of awful angsty music, it's that bad.

**#46 drive**

really, road trips are the biggest cliché in the book, but the sun beats through the windscreen and covers meghan in light, and she's got her keds up on the dashboard and she's laughing like they're golden, like they're romeo and juliet, like she could make this last forever.

**#47 harm**

the thing is, meghan's just so – she's so stubborn, all the time but especially on this story, and that makes her a good journalist but awful for cat, and then she goes and gets herself – by the mafia, of all people – and – cat's sitting on a hospital chair and she's so angry, angry at meghan and her idiotic need to run towards trouble, at the people who did this to her, left her bloody and broken and – she can't breathe, and – _meghan_.

**#48 precious**

meghan is the darling of the age, the jewel of the screen, a shining star, and cat is not very much at all, he supposes, in comparison; she smiles at him, prettily, like she does for the cameras and he thinks he's probably just a face in her memory, no name, but it's his job to go running around after her, never mind the fact she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

**#49 believe**

it's not that she thinks particularly lowly of herself – it's just that cat is so, so beautiful, that she's so kind and shy and funny and wonderful and she honestly does not understand what she sees in meghan most of the time.

**#50 future**

her journey had been a whirlwind of emotions and happiness and broken hearts, but it was only when cat slid the ring around her finger that she could finally feel herself breathing for the first time in her life.


End file.
